fe·ral - adjective: in a wild state, especially after escape from captivity or domestication. slut - noun: a person who has many casual sexual partners.
“Wine and women and wonderful vices. Welcome to the cult of Dionysus.” – The Orion Experience
After our first dive into the club side of all this, we felt a bit more confident and comfortable with what to expect our second time around. The week theme? Cinco De Mayo. Being a Mayonnaise American myself, I decided I’d just wear whatever sluttiness I could squeeze myself into. It ended up being a shiny, short black dress with a deep v-cut to really highlight my massive cleavage.
Neither Joe nor myself was at all aware of how to start the night, I took my pre-mixed drinks (yay for BYOB) & found us a spot on the giant couch by the entryway to people watch. No one really took notice of us until a beautiful, dark haired woman we’ll refer to as Leia eventually found us. I didn’t know it at the time (even though I’m sure she told me as much), but she’s the unofficial (and at times unwilling) club social butterfly. She floats through the club looking both intimidating & inviting, like if one of those chatty flowers from Alice in Wonderland if it could kill you with a dusting of it’s petals. She made her introductions, welcomed us to the club & flittered away leaving my misanthropic ass a bit stunned and impressed.
I sucked down the last of my drink & ran out to the car to grab another. Put me naked in front of a crowd of paying people & I’m good. I turn on like a money activated doll. But I was quickly realizing this was a very different situation than what I was used to from being a SWer for a decade and change. I was nervous as hell and stunned when I realized: I actually wanted these people to like me. I, Fonda fuckin’ Dix actually wanted to make a good impression & show respect just based on what we’d seen so far. I wanted to be absorbed into this amazing group of people. This was the first demonstration of community I’d seen as an adult, albeit a very naked one and I was hooked.
After a bit of floating around inside with the pretty lights & pumping music, trying to find a place to chill as we people watched, we ended up on the patio for a smoke. A little awkward fumbling & squeezing past the crowd later & we found a picnic table. It was so beautiful outside & it seemed like most of the club goers were out here anyway, so we decided to make camp for the evening while we both scooped out the scene.
It was an amazing variety of people, some of who stood out a lot better than others – by design I’m sure. There’s Banana Hammock, the uber tan gentleman who seemed to own a thong for every possibly theme the club could throw his way. Han, Leia‘s dude, who was just as social and eye catching as his lady. The amount of variety from shapes to aesthetic this place had was like going to the Baskin Robin’s of flesh. By this point in the evening, I knew that I wanted to keep throwing what money we could at this place as long as they kept letting me in the doors.
While sitting there dazed by all the activity & naked bodies strutting around, I notice a shy, skinny figure staring at me so I stared back & smiled. Over walks a lanky, awkward-but-adorable looking human rocking a leather jacket, simple shirt & gold chains. He sat down & the first thing my brain could spit out at me was “how the fuck can he be comfortable in that thing? It’s like 75 degrees out still.” The second thing was “I’m probably gonna fuck this guy, aren’t I?“
“Give yourself over to absolute pleasure, swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh. Erotic nightmares beyond any measure and sensual daydreams to treasure forever.Can’t you just see it?” – Rocky Horror Picture Show
After grabbing what we needed to from the store, we finally made our way back into the club & it was even more beautifully chaotic than when we left. The crowd of people had swelled in number and for probably the first time in my adult life, I wasn’t really bothered by it.
We walked in & grabbed a seat at a table near the bar. I slipped off my coat, happy as hell to be in a place where nudity was not only allowed, but encouraged & cracked open my second drink.
Here’s where it gets a little boring: I suck at socializing. No, really. I am TERRIBLE at it until I get about three drinks deep then I want to be everyone’s best friend. And I don’t know if it’s because we were obviously new people or if my outfit was working overtime, but that didn’t seem to matter. If we didn’t go to the people, they were happy to come to us.
A group of guys swung by our table after I accidentally made eye contact with their equally socially anxious leader. We introduced ourselves & talked for a bit as Mr. Socially Awkward explained his girlfriend had given him the task of making new Facebook friends because he sucks at that type of thing. I finished my drink & asked to add him while he tried not to stare at my tits. Afterwards, the group flitted away & feeling a bit bolder than I had 10 minutes earlier, decided to drag Joe outside for a smoke.
We walked out on the patio & were greeted with portable heaters (did I mention it was 35F outside?) & a group of lovely people enjoying the hot tub as the smokers stood around, hugging as closely to the available sources of warmth as possible without burning ourselves.
I tend to do this thing when I’m in new situations. It’s an automatic response at this point in my life and has honestly come in handy more than once. I people watch. If you just let people talk without saying a word, you find out whether or not you’re somewhere you want to be pretty quickly.
Joe & I found a place to stand & quickly listened to people trauma dump about their horrible weeks at work while I caught glances at the group in the hot tub giggling and teasing each other. I was pulled into the conversation almost instantly & was happily chatting away before my cigarette was even half way to the filter. An extremely polite (and tipsy) older gentleman asked very politely to touch my ass, which I happily obliged. If there’s consent exchanged, groping can be fuckin’ amazing!
I realized shortly after that, I was smitten by this place. I wanted to be a member for as long as it was open. With renewed determination, I dragged Joe back inside to purchase ourselves a year membership before we headed out for the night.
As the night rolled on Joe (who was fresh from surgery that week, but stubborn as hell – would have insisted we go even if I’d objected) got more uncomfortable with his poor healing self & we decided to dip out unexpectedly early.
We met so many amazingly chill people who only added to the atmosphere that was already being created by being in what was essentially a massive adult playground. It was pretty clear to both of us we’d be coming back soon. Everything we’d both been looking for seemed to be available right under our noses this whole time.
“…and there’s a smile on everyone. So, now correct me if I’m wrong. This looks like fun, this looks like fun. Oh, could it be I got my wish?” – Danny Elfman
After getting Joe & my favorite perverts on Snapchat up to speed on our weekend plans, I checked the club’s website to see what the “theme” was for the weekend. I won’t lie, “theme nights” were one of the many things they advertised that I loved before we even walked through the doors. I can’t help it, I’m corny as fuck. That particular week, the theme turned out to be lingerie. “Well, shit” I thought to myself “being an P4P internet slut for over a decade is about to pay off”.
I decided to document the event as much as possible & created a little Snapchat story.
Being the anxiety ridden asshole I am, even if I was excited for the theme, I wanted to be fully dressed while we were deciding whether or not to stick around past orientation. But I also wanted to look fuckin’ hot so I got all prettied up & human looking in a pair of skin tight black leggings & cleavage amplifying leopard print shirt. Honestly, if I had a default outfit like a TV show character that never ages, that combo + some combat boots is probably what it would be.
Tits out, face firmly stapled in place & a head full of questions that would soon be answered, I got into the car & we headed to the club. I got lost in my thoughts & curiosity as Joe navigated to the address we were given. I don’t exactly know what I thought it would be like when we walked in the door, but little did I know, my expectations would be quickly surpassed.
